Hellooooo people.. I know its been quite sometime since i used this space.. Have been hibernating for a while. Honestly,i have got a serious writer's block. I have been trying to pen down a story i have in mind for quite sometime,dammit the writing flow is completely constipated!! I happened to surf through few of my posts in my office blogs and ran into this one which i wrote long backkk.... Felt like sharing it here in this space, thus ending this hibernation...

Disclaimer: Don't really get bored with the usage of same characters in this space( I know my grandmom and grandpa needs no introduction.They got pretty famous from the first post :P ). I really got used to writing about things that happen around me!

And Part of the characters mentioned are real..partly fictitious! :D n hope it doesn't get real :P

In prior to the actual content which is a result of this thought stimulating incident,here’s a small description about the uncanny setup and weird people around me during the incident while I was watching TV.

My 75 year old grandma, most fondly called as an exaggeration queen(who also plays a cameo role in one of my previous posts,famous woman you know ;) ),the reason behind this name being her way of conveying things to people by her astoundingly funny actions , has a habit of talking to her partially deaf 86 year old husband,to whom nothing but news from NDTV,CNN,Times Now means the world.One such sample conversation is this:

Paati: (Claps her hands twice to get my Grandpa’s attention)

Thatha: (Reluctantly turns back trying to stop that noise she’s trying to produce to grab his attention off the news channel)

Paati: (When she realizes he’s at least trying to heed to what she says,shows her four fingers n points to the clock trying to say its 4 o’clock n its time to have his evening tiffin..)

Thatha: (Gives a highly irritated look… turns to her side n swings his right hand in a thumbs up position ,swinging it up and down trying to ask her what tiffin she has made for the evening)

Paati: (Giving the usual smiling look swings her right hand in circular motion showing its DOSA)

Thatha: ( Hits his forhead with his palm and sits on the dining table )

( i can sense all ur guesses...NO its not another What's-happening-in-my-house-in-the-morning a.k.a Morning Madness rant,this is quite different)

Looking them perform such funny actions always puts me in awe… I even started to count on to the saying “Actions speak louder than words” from these weird fun-to-be-with-grannies :) While this continued parallelly, I sit and watch TV and I accidentally happen to keep a duet song which stars a heroine making love to the hero.Having just a glance of it the action begins;

Paati: ( Ogles at the song for a moment and gives a disgusting look at me,which is an indication to change the channel)

I change the channel and end up encountering the same scene from the same song in another channel. Arrrgh… I finally decide to switch off the TV.

Now to the actual content…

I get back to the room and think hard about what just took place in the tv hall. I try to figure out if my grandma( in general all grandmas) hate the heroine or the hero or the totally off tune song or just LOVE???Like how time machine travels back ,I try to travel back to their time and analyze why people of my grandma’s generation hate LOVE so much..

Time travel1

My imagination brings in front of me a picture of what I am imagining might have happened back then…(1950s)-

My grandma’s(Padma,who was 15 yrs old back then) friend,Thangam, narrating her life story to her…

Thangam:Padma,yest I had this big fight at home.I din’t respond to the question my dad asked about the groom he had chosen for me.Whether I liked him or not..

Padma:Whoa!!You are so brave!! How are u going to tell him dat u love Seshan,ur same caste,same religion guy.? They will beat u to death. U better marry the one your dad chose!!

Thangam: Looks like I have to sacrifice my love.I don’t have the courage to go against my parents.

Time travel2

Now my imagination travel advances a little to my mom-dad’s generation(1980s)

My mom’s(Anu,who was 18 yrs old back then) friend ,Subha,narrating her plight to my mom;

Subha: Hey Anu..It’s killing me.I am not able to get rid of my thoughts about David.My parents are hunting for a groom.I really dont know what to do ???

Anu:Don’t worry.I know its tough convincing your parents about yourr inter caste love affair. Don’t panic we’ll try to support u!

Subha: Ya , I guess if my parents dont allow,I’ll have to seek your help to talk to my parents..after all what are friends for..i really want to marry him.I cannot live without him at the same time I need my parents’ consent!

Time travel3

Now my imagination travels back to the current time(2010)

My (Sandhya,who is 22 yrs old) friend Nivi, narrating her situation to me

Nivi:Hey Sandy,I really really miss Peter.U know he’s such a sweet heart.I could’nt wait to get back to my university in the US to be back with him.But pretty soon I need to talk about this relationship to my parents.I dont really know how they ll react.

Sandy: Oh good God..I thought you’d reveal about it only after yourr inter country register marriage

Nivi: Ha ha actually good idea.. Why unnecessary trouble!

Timetravel4

My imagination doesn’t stop here…It advances further to the future..(2040)

My Son’s (Adi who’d prob be 27) friend talkin to his work buddy Neil

Adi: Hey Neil..ssup dude?

Neil: I jus had a romantic dinner wid Jacques.Am starting to ve feelings fa him dude..Do u think v shud take it to next level…??

Adi:Great to hear about ur homosexual realtionship dude!

I stop my imaginative time travel right there…I come back in an instant to reality. I feel as if I was stoned ,numb with what might be the future bitter(which might be a pretty harsh word in the future) truth.I am not able to imagine my reaction if my son or daughter fell a prey for such kind of relationship.May be i would react the same way my grand mom reacted which made me realize and understand the look on my grandma’s face during the song .

Moral of the story: Don’t see item numbers on TV when people are around u (grandmom’s and grandpa’s esp)

Hope you all enjoyed reading it

[Wrong]dezvouz

Disclaimer:

All information on this post is provided free of cost for personal, laugh your a**** out reasons ONLY, and as such, is made available “AS IS”. No claim should be made about the accuracy or validity or testing the satirity of the content on this page, or its suitability for any specific purpose whatsoever, whether express or implied,because you would end up wasting your time on a non-sense and become crazy. :D If readers are doing so voluntarily, of their own accord, any outcome of such trial is understood to be their sole responsibility. :P

This post is an inspiration from the very famous “Rendezvous”,a show hosted by the very stunning Simi Garewal which airs on Star World. I have tried a spoof of the same show and entitled it as “[Wrong]dezvouz” as this goofy show is all about satire, sarcasm and stupidity. To make the show more inane, I ve sketched a Mallu host “Achyutan Nair” to host the show..Below are some of the top notch funny and insulting questions shot by Nair to different celebrities from different episodes. From this point (Malayalam accent) , you folks have to follow and catch up with the Malayalam lingo wherever italicized.. Catch my point!!

[Wrong]dezvouz with Our CSK bowling Coach Venkatesh Prasad:

(Camera rolls)
Nair: I yam here with the very popular, Venky… the man behind the bowling extravaganza showcased by our CSK boys in their CL twenty-twenty(read it as dundy-dundy)..

Nair:Hi Venky, how are you? I will get directly to the point.. With ur horrifying bowling records , how do think ppl even got an idea of making u d bowling coach? Watever u say s not going to justify this asinine act of CSK choosing you but still I wanted(wanded) to ask u in person to see what you reply…

Venky:Hi Nair..Am good! Ya I still wonder if its some kinda wild dream I am living on when I think I have been made the coach of the CSK team. I feel more surprised when ppl attribute my bowling coach to that victory..wat a funny World!!I actually am myself ashamed of my records and performances when I played ,but I ROFL everyday infront of the mirror when I think ppl elected me to coach a winning team. :P I always believed in a saying “Two wrongs make a right” (it actually is not dat way).I think it’s the combo of me and Stephan Fleming that made such a right team and gave a positive influence.

Nairs Pick: punch(punj) line…
Venky: I realized my achievements and feat in World Cricket only when the most revered legendary commentator Arun Lal had high praise for me in one of his interviews.

[Wrong]dezvouz with the ever gorgeous(what did I jus say!! :O ) Rakhi Sawant:
(Camera rolls)
Nair: Good morning aunty(aundie) ! Its Nair uncle(ungil) here to interview(inderview) the ever beautiful(beaudiful)(am sooo gonna regret dis statement!!) Rakhi Sawant..

Nair: What is the secret(segred) behind you being so disgusting and repelling.? What are your complicated and controversial future plans?

Rakhi: Good Morning Mr.Sexy uncle. Thanks for the compliment. I just love myself no matter how digusting and repelling I am. I love controversies and limelight I get for my slutty actions. I just wanna be popular,I chose this way. I even went to the extent of starting a show called “Rakhi ki swayamvar” to prove to the world that I am a dirty lass and bring to light the degree of my sanctity I take great pride in doing it.
About my future plans,I am planning to start another show “How slutty can you get?” on an international stage. I expect lot more cynicism and criticism whatsoever,but I am ready to face them all because I am a worshht b**** on earth.
Hearing all of it our Nair Uncle’s ears started bleeding badly. He founded it very difficult to edit the interview as he had to censor with only *beep* sound over most of the words.

Nairs Pick: punch(punj) line…
Rakhi:I got a lot of acclaim and chance to flirt and become dirty with all eligible bachelors in india,few spinsters too ;) through my show.

[Wrong]dezvouz with most popular debut shortfilm artist “Swami” Nithyanandha:
Nair:Respect! Respect!Respect!kunckle taps with “Swamiji”. I am here with a man who needs no introduction(indroduction) ,the man who with his 10min video became super popular,the god man who surfaced shaking(shaging) the country’s faith in the religious leaders and godmen.
Nair: Pranams! Wat a man..Wat a way to be into limelight..wat an amusing scandal.. I just have one curious question..
Swamiji interrupting

Swamiji: Ranjitha’s phone number?

Nair: Naughty Swamiji!! No No..but ya after(afder) the show.. Coming to the point ! With Imran Hasmi making a mark as the greatest kisser why don’t you give a try in cinema? You can make a mark in films like u know…
.
Swamiji: Jai Ranjithaya Namaha! First of all as justification to my “not so godmanly” act said by the ppl, I defend myself in bringing out a stress buster which got released as a scam. People have their own stress buster activity,some see movies,I see movie actresses but someone saw me seeing this movie actress..Damn him!
Ya now that I am no more treated as a Swamiji, I’d want to make a debut in movies. I have been getting offers from Bollywood,Kollywood,Tollywood ,Mollywood for guest role in their movies.But none seem to have a nice lady heroine like Ranjitha.So I had to deny them all.I’d even go with Namitha but she s busy with some other Swamiji.But given a chance I’d go for doing a full length ,u know that kinda movie.

Nairs Pick: punch(punj) line…
Swamiji:Instead of hooking up with Ranjitha,I feel I should have participated in Rakhi’s reality show.I must have got a better publicity.!

[Wrong]dezvouz with the very talented actor,Dancer Dr.Sam Anderson:
(Camera rolls)

Nair:Welcome(welgum) to the show Sam. I have watched your film and Rofled a lot of times..especially during your emotional scenes.How do get to excel in acting,dancing and all spheres of tamil cinema? :P (laughs to himself)

Sam:Hi viewers.First about my dancing,I would like to thank my dancing gurs,my Rolemodels Mr.Bagyaraj,T.Rajendar etc. for their inspirational contribution to dance in tamil cinema.I have grown up watching them and that’s how well it has reflected in my unbelievably awesome dance performances.Kudos to the masters!
And about acting,what can I say! It’s God’s gift.With such reputation I went and approached Mani Ratnam to star me in one of his films,dunno what happened he got admitted in the hospital quite recently.May be he was shocked about my humbleness to work with him.Carzy fans you know!
Nairs Pick: punch(punj) line…
Sam:The future of tamil cinema is in my hands.


P.S. This post of mine got a pretty good response in my office blog.So i tried this in my external blog too with little addition.Pardon me I couldn help but using some censored words which I’ve managed not to use directly.I ve made use of (* and u know..).

Hope you all liked readin it! :)

MORNING MADNESS

This being my first post in the external blog,I thought I’d start with the dramatic madness I encounter every morning at my house.

I have always wondered how mornings turn out to be so eventful and drama-filled each and every day. I'd like mornings better if they started later, is what I strongly believe. You get to experience the best time ,wanting to sleep more only after it strikes dawn and I bet every person in the world seconds me on this statement. But when u sit back and think of the events that happen every morning, you couldn but help laughing to yourself about the comical drama and conversation that you barely hear even while asleep. :D Here’s a sample conversation of the drama ,people, almost daily ,make in my house ;

6:00 a.m: A truly Welcoming euphony (get the sarcasm here) of TV (some random English music channel)jarring all around in my house hearing which even a Hibernating polar bear gives up its hibernation.

6.15 a.m:

Appa: (hunting for the destitute remote finally finds it after a long search,only until people in my apartments think of us like some crazy insane people…After a number of failed attempts to find the volume control in the remote, tries to change news channel which is at its volume best )

Grandpa(Half-deaf invariably hearing aid is his ear!,Master of current affairs! Watches like 20 news channels for a day,no matter of the language):

Mathadha da Ramani.Eppa paru idhe vela!!

Sound veiyen da,onnume seriya keka matengardhu ..

(Ramani,don change the channel.Y do u ve to do this everyday?Increase the volume ,I can barely hear a thing)

Appa(keeps changing the channel): Erkanave alarardhu pa. Sevuttu machine a on pannungo!!

(Its already jarring loud,pls do switch on ur hearing aid!!)

Grandmom(called generally as the queen of exaggeration in the family,rushes out from kitchen ,shouting on top of her voice):Avan yenniki oru channel urupadiya pathurkan? TV la vara 300 channel(they don’t even exist) a yum mathardhu dhan avan vela..Jaya TV vai da Ranjani-Gayathri Katcheri varum.

(Wen has he watched a channel properly.?He has always wanted to keep changing from channel to channel.U better keep the katcheri prog in Jaya TV)

Appa gives up arguing with my grandmom,or rather ,she grabs the remote from my dad n changes to jaya tv.

6.20 a.m:

Appa: Paper vandhudha parungo pa..(See if the morning newspaper has come?)

Grandpa: Arambichutan da ivan. Modhala ezhundhu walking po. Kalan kaarthala paper vechundu okkandhurvan. Thondhiya kora first.Mela aathu mama 1 hour walking poraru.Ne pona odane 10 min la vandhurra.Apram paru pakkathu aathu mari thondhi valandhura pordhu.

(Started early in the morning huh? Gear up urself n go for walking.Reduce ur weight.See how inspiring the man is ,who lives upstairs who walks for an hour daily while u come in tem min..)

Grandmom(to grandpa, who barely heeds to wat she says): Nan solradha keta dhana.Daily indha bajana ivanta paada vendidha iruku.Appa maariye ponnu.. Innum ezhundhukala parungo!!

(Wen has he listened to me.. I ve been ranting the same dialogues daily.Like father like daughter! Look at her she s still asleep)

Me: (cuddling n turning slowly ,half awake, by tightening the pillow above my ears, trying not to hear any more rants!!)

6.35 am:

Me(to a person as handsome as Brad Pitt ,with bell ringing and bulb glowing over my head) : Ahem ahem..excuse me!! U dropped this paper down.

BP: Oh.. thanks! But that’s a used ticket ,that’s y I put it down.

Me: (Embarrassed) Ohh.. sorry then..

(puts the ticket that originally belonged to the trash ,down, back to where it should belong trying to conceal the embarrassment).

BP: Never mind! Hey!!. I work for Cognizant too. Nice meeting you.

Me(Happily Surprised ): How did you know that I work for Cognizant.?

BP: Obviously from your ID tag..

Me(Again Embarrased ,Worse this time): Uh huh..yeah..!

BP:So we seem to be heading in the same direction towards the same road,where are you put up? I am new to this place.I recently shifted to HFC block 3.

Me(excited,missing a heart beat):What?!? You stay in HFC? I stay there too ,block 1.

(ppl on road were literally able to see me drool while talking to him :P )

(walking towards our apartments)

BP: Oh that’s cool. I soo needed someone to help me around with information about this place. Good God I met you. You’re a life savior! I am starving.Can u suggest me some good eats outs around here?

Me:Oh yeah there are many on the main road.Can u figure out where exactly main road is?

BP(with a pretty confused look):Ohh yea I guess!thanks.. Am on the way to ve dinner.. would u like to join?As such I don’t really know where main road is...

Me(flying virtually high in the air):Err hmm(looking at the watch)..ya sure!

When v entered the hotel it started raining heavily.The hotel was full n there was oly a couple table available. The table had a candle lit at the center .The entire ambience was so romantic that it induced a lotta crazy ideas into my mind.The man looked very handsome and totally hot and I couldn’t resist admiring his masculine features.Even though it was cold because of rain, I could feel the heat from his body.I could barely control myself and take eyes off him.After an awkward silence of admiring each other,in an attempt to break the ice, I started the conversation…..

Me: Excuse me,I need to go to the Rest room!

BP(stands up): Sure..

After 10 min v stand together at the wash area.I couldn’t stop looking at him.The washroom was deserted.It was already late.He came close to me.So close that I could feel his breath on my skin,sense the passion in his eyes.I felt a weirdly pleasant fear run down the spine…..

Grandmom:Ne ezhundhu kulikka poriya illa thatha ve po solta.Night lam padam pathutu thoongadha nu ethane dhadava solradhu.Seekram thoongina than seekram ezhundhuka mudiyum. Apram bus miss aidthu nu aathuku thirupi vandhu yen pati ezhupala nu kekadha..Mani erknave 7.

(Are u gonna get up n take bath now..Its already 7 later don regret for missing ur office bus.Thats y I keep tellin you to sleep early so that you can rise early. )

Me: (finding it hard to open my eyes get up only to realize that I had a goddamn dream.) :D

Me(thinking): (Habba thank god its not a continuation of the dream which I had yest ,the horror, in which I witnessed the gay marriage of Symmonds and Bhajji :O )

The loop continues for the next day too.. but with a different ,sober unromantic dream ;).

P.S. Pardon me for glaring typos and mistakes if any.After all this is my blogging debut,though I am only 4 posts old in my company blog :P